Riding On The Wild Side
by Charmed Lassie
Summary: (Brittas Empire) The team take a trip to Alton Towers for the weekend but how well can it actually go?
1. Default Chapter

A/N: So, if I get a good response to this I'll continue it. I haven't really got a season in mind, just one of the more sane seasons. This does include quite a lot of gay overtones and I'm not talking just about Tim and Gavin. So, anyhow, if that offends you, I gave you a warning.

* * *

'Right, right!' Brittas clapped his hands loudly, the sound echoing around the empty car park. 'Can I have your attention please?'

Laura rolled her eyes at his 'special-occasion' tone. 'What is it, Mr Brittas?'

'Well, Laura, I have a few things to tell everyone before we leave. Matters of great importance.'

'Yes, I was afraid of that,' she muttered then added so he could hear, 'Perhaps we could do this on the minibus, it is rather cold out here.'

'No, I...' He looked around the huddled staff members. 'Hang on, where's Carole? And Linda?'

'Already on the bus.'

'Laura, I specifically said no member of my staff was to board that bus until the driver conformed to company guidelines and disposed of his chewing gum in an appropriate manner.'

'That isn't a problem anymore.'

Brittas looked surprised. 'He did it then?'

'No, no, he went home.'

'What!'

'It's nothing to worry about...'

'Nothing to worry about!' he interrupted. 'Laura, I've got my staff together for the weekend, the one weekend we've got while...'

'Yes, while the electricity's being fixed,' Laura finished. 'No, what I mean is that Gavin's volunteered to drive.'

'But it's supposed to be his weekend off.'

'He doesn't mind.'

'Well, I...'

'Please, Mr Brittas! We'll never get there.'

'Alright. Everybody on the bus now please! Chop chop.'

As they filed onto the small blue bus, Laura mentally counted them off. Gavin in the driving seat, Tim, Julie, Colin, Linda and Carole were already on and Helen was... Where was Helen? Glancing round she saw a figure disappearing around the corner of the building. A safe bet.

* * *

'Carole, Carole, Carole!' 

'Here he comes,' Julie whispered to the quivering receptionist beside her. 'Act like you don't know nothing.' Thinking, she added, 'That's the easy part.'

'Right, Carole!' Brittas dunked his head through the sliding door. 'I just wanted to check you got a babysitter alright.'

'Well, Mr Brittas, I...' Carole started but he cut her off.

'It's just you know my thoughts on children and theme parks. Not really for them now, is it?'

As Carole stammered with her reply, Julie moved her foot slightly, trying to make sure everything was shielded. It hit something though, something which squeaked.

His eyebrows creased. 'What was that?'

'What was what, Mr Brittas?'

Cue a whimper. 'That.'

'Um, my shoe, Mr Brittas?' Carole tried.

'Carole...'

Julie watched as the receptionist meekly pulled out a holdall from under her seat. Brittas took it, unzipping it. Carole, meanwhile, tried to talk her way out of the situation. 'I did have a sitter, Mr Brittas, but there was a problem with paying her and you know how Ben likes to bite...'

'Where's the other one?'

'Under my seat,' Julie said.

'Carole, Carole, I can't take a bus out of this car park if... Hang on, where's Ben?'

'Knew that one was coming,' Julie muttered.

'W-well, Mr Brittas, you know how he likes the dark...'

'You put him in the luggage compartment, didn't you?'

* * *

'Helen!' 

With one leg over the wall, she looked back. 'Oh, Laura, I was just...'

'Admiring the view?'

She hesitated before bringing her leg back over and hopping down. 'It's very nice.'

'Mmm,' Laura nodded. 'I think we're about ready to go now.'

'God, I wouldn't bet on it,' Helen fell into step with the deputy manager.

'You think something'll go wrong?'

'Doesn't it always?'

'I did most of the organising on this one. He hasn't had chance to complain to any managers or pick fights. I think we're in the clear.'

'Laura, he's coming with us, isn't he?'

'Well, you never know. He might have a good day.'

Helen smiled at her optimistic nature. 'We can pray, I suppose. Just promise me one thing, Laura.'

'Of course.'

'Don't let Gordon drag me on anything big. You know Gordon, always wants the best for his money, don't let him bully you.'

'Oh, I think I know how to handle him.'

'We'll see.'

* * *

'You can't do this!' 

'Timothy, I think you'll find I can. Carole, get your children out of the bus storage space and go home.'

'Well, Mr Brittas, I don't actually...' Carol started.

'Really, Mr Brittas,' Gavin said. 'Can't we just take them with us?'

'Take them with us! What kind of suggestion is that, Gavin Featherley?'

'Quite a good one, I'd have thought,' Julie muttered.

Carole was still chattering away. 'What with the centre being closed, I'm in a bit of a pickle...'

'Wrong answer, Julie!'

'How'd I guess?'

'Mr Brittas, they're just children,' Linda tried from her seat just in front. 'They'll have a good time.'

'After a journey under the bus!'

'Problem, Mr Brittas?' Laura had arrived behind him with Helen at her side.

'I'm dealing with it, Laura.'

'He's told Carole she can't come,' Tim put in.

'What? Why?'

'She's storing children under the seats!' answered Brittas.

'Oh.' Laura seemed to think quickly. 'Well, we can put them in seats, there's two spare at the back.'

'Think, Laura! They need safety seats and as for the one in storage...'

'Storage?' Laura repeated.

'Gordon,' Helen moved forward irritably. 'Use our car seats.'

He wasn't listening. 'What?'

'From our car. We can put them in here.'

'Well, we haven't paid for them!'

'They're under four, you don't have to,' Tim smiled.

For a moment he looked defeated. 'Well, there's Ben!'

'Ah, yes,' Laura answered. 'I took the liberty of organising him a ticket.'

'Oh, alright then.'

* * *

'Thirty miles to go!' 

'He's going to do that every five miles, isn't he?'

'He used to do it every two miles until someone found a new use for a gear stick.'

Laura smiled at the woman next to her. 'He better be careful, even Ben hit him a minute ago.'

'These two seem alright, don't they?' Helen looked across Laura to the sleeping children. 'Bit quiet.'

'They're not used to the daylight, they'll sleep most of the day I think.'

'I remember when Gordon used to sleep all day.'

'When he was in the coma?'

'Mmm. Good days.'

Laura nudged her. 'Look at Tim.'

The young man was sat next to Linda glaring at Brittas in the front seat who was chatting to a panicked-looking Gavin.

'See? What's everyone going to be like by tomorrow?'

Colin turned around. 'This is a fabulous trip, isn't it?'

'Mmm,' answered both Helen and Laura.

'Such a bonding experience, the whole weekend together!'

'Yes, fabulous,' Laura replied uncertainly as he turned back in his seat. 'Helen, do you get the feeling of...'

'Imminent death?'

'That's the extreme but yes.'

'Of course, we're with Gordon.'

* * *

'We're here!' 

'Thank God for that,' Julie muttered. 'How many times can you go round in a circle?'

'Be fair, Julie,' Gavin stopped the bus and looked back. 'It is difficult to find.'

'Oh, yeah, cause the signposts didn't give us a clue, did they?'

'That's enough of that, thank you very much, Julie,' Brittas turned from the passenger seat. 'Right, everybody. Rules!'

A collective groan went up.

'This is a staff outing so I don't want you all disappearing on me! I want to see all your happy faces, I'll stand under every ride looking for you!'

'Everyone eat the popcorn then,' Julie said, earning smiles from everyone minus, of course, Brittas.

'Thanks, Julie. Now, we are staying overnight so we'll need to congregate,' - Gavin dodged a highly erratic hand gesture- 'Near the park entrance to make our way to the hotel. About four o'clock, I'd say.'

'Can we get moving then, Mr Brittas?' Laura asked from the back of the bus.

'Of course. And remember, fun, fun, fun!'

Cue a collective eye roll.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I am continuing this, it's just that other projects keep getting in the way. This isn't as long as I'd like but I think it sets up the main story. Thanks for the compliments in the reviews and (DemonicAngelic) I know this is reading more like a script. I set out with good intentions but the characters seem to overtake me. I'll try harder though! Yep, a Brittas disaster is on the way as are a few relationships. All non-standard, sorry.

* * *

'Timmy?' Gavin said hesitantly.

'Hmm?'

'Promise me you won't cause... trouble this weekend.'

'Would I do that?'

'Yes.' Gavin looked back to the bus where Carole was unloading the twins under Brittas' glare. 'Any preference for first ride?'

'We'll save the big ones till later.'

'I thought you were supposed to do those in the morning, avoid accidents?'

Tim grinned. 'Remember what Julie was saying about Brittas?'

Despite himself, he smiled. 'Come on. I want to see you scream.'

* * *

'Carole, I hope you appreciate the trouble you're putting us to.'

'Yes, Mr Brittas. Sorry, Mr Brittas.'

'Leave her alone, Gordon,' Helen said irritably, throwing an exasperated glance at Laura a few metres away. 'You're wasting time talking about it.'

'Alright, my darling,' he simpered. 'I know! Why don't you go on ahead? You've got your ticket.'

The idea was appealing yet... 'What, on my own?'

'Take Laura with you!'

Helen glanced over at the deputy manager, unsure whether the prospect of walking round with her would be preferable to going with Gordon. 'No, she doesn't want to...'

'It sounds like a fantastic idea,' Laura interrupted. 'But are you sure you'll be alright on your own?'

'I won't be on my own, I've got Carole and Julie!'

Neither of them seemed particularly happy about that. Carole's face froze in one of her 'I've done something wrong' smiles, Julie was obviously biting her lip trying not to say anything. It was a miracle it worked. 'Well, Gordon, if you're sure,' Helen said.

'Of course I'm sure!'

It was unexpected, the thoughtfulness. So much so that she felt suddenly disorientated, it was only when Laura took her arm that she realised they were moving.

As soon as they were far enough away, Laura smiled. 'That was lucky.'

'Yes, it was rather.'

* * *

'Thank you, Linda, for offering to help.'

Slightly out of breath under the weight of three bags, she nodded. 'It's no trouble, Colin. Someone had to check in.'

'I know, but it does seem...' He trailed off and examined one of the bags she'd just put on the path. 'Whose bag is this?'

'Julie's, I think. Why?'

'Is that blood coming out of it, do you think?'

* * *

'Oh, have you seen that?'

'God, what now?' Julie muttered half to herself and half to Carole beside her who was pushing the Brittas' double-buggy. Brittas, ahead of them and leading Ben by the hand, had been commenting on every piece of litter, graffiti and loud behaviour since they'd entered the monorail station five minutes earlier. Fifty-six complaints was a record even for him.

'Gum on the wall, have you got that, Julie?'

'Twenty-four instances of gum. Yeah, I got it.'

'I intend to bring all this to attention before we leave.'

'Thought you might.'

As the queue progressed slowly up the platform, Brittas leaned in to check on the twins.

Carole smiled. 'He's so good with them, isn't he?'

'Mmm, yeah.'

'I suppose he's like a father to them.'

'Funny that.'

'You know, I'm so lucky, Julie.'

'Lucky? Let's see, your kids live in cupboards, one of them does anyway. And you sleep in Mr Brittas' office.'

'How do you know that?' Carole glanced over.

'You keep forgetting to put the gym mat back.'

'Oh, Julie, I'm sorry.'

'Don't be. I don't do much else do I?' She was lying. Some days she came in early to make sure Brittas didn't find the bed. Well, it was something to do at six in the morning.

'I wonder why we're not moving,' Brittas asked aloud.

It was going to be a long weekend.

* * *

'Do you hear something?'

The pair were about to board the blue monorail but Helen was hanging back. Laura listened intently to the crowd. 'Voices.'

'Maybe it's my imagination but...'

Then Laura heard it. Brittas. 'Get this line in order, it's pitiful!'

Without hesitation, she pushed Helen onto the train, tripping over the edge and sprawling into the carriage.

'Laura!' Helen helped her onto a seat. 'See? This is what happens! A few hours in and people are already throwing themselves into trains and...'

'Helen!' The door slid shut. Once the slow whoosh of movement started, Laura smiled. 'I'd say we're free, wouldn't you?'

It wasn't often a true happiness appeared on Helen Brittas' face. Of course, that was more than understandable considering what a pain in the neck her husband was. But Helen being happy was what Laura was striving towards these days. Call it her new vocation. It was certainly better than a career in leisure management.

* * *

'Can you see where it's coming from at all?'

Being careful not to touch any of the red liquid Linda examined the holdall. 'I think there's a hole underneath.'

'What would Julie be doing with a bag full of blood?'

'Well, perhaps it isn't blood!' Linda thought aloud. 'It could be tomato sauce!'

'Should we opened it, do you think?' Colin asked nervously.

'It's locked.' She fingered the steel padlock. 'Maybe we should go find Julie.'

'You're right, Linda! As always!'

* * *

'That's a baby ride!'

'Oh, I don't know,' Tim answered. 'Looks like that boy hated it.'

'Yes.' Gavin glanced sideways. 'He's ten, isn't he?'

'I don't see why we have to go on the big rides anyway.'

'You know Brittas would say. We should get his money's worth, or at least the taxpayers since this came out of centre funds.'

Ignoring the itching feeling of his boyfriend becoming a Brittas clone then planning to take over the world one leisure centre at a time, Tim folded his arms. 'I'm sure he'd want us to go on every ride.'

'Okay, okay,' Gavin relented. 'But we should go on the bigger ones later.'

'Yes,_ Mr Featherly_.'

As Gavin reached for him, Tim grinned and headed towards the teacups.

* * *

Julie had her fingers crossed. The group was half-way to the park on the monorail and Brittas hadn't complained since they'd got on. Better than that, he hadn't said a word. If he carried on like that they might actually have some fun. She wasn't expecting too much though.

To her left, looking out of the window, was Carole. She'd been unusually quiet too. For a moment Julie thought about questioning her about it but (for once) her nosy streak kept itself in check. Instead she reached for the receptionist's hand, squeezing it tightly. She could say why she'd done it, maybe it had just felt right.

* * *

'This is great, isn't it?' Helen gazed around the park from their spot just inside the entrance.

Laura had to agree. It was a glorious day and every ray the sun beamed down seemed to strike a piece of wonder. For a child this place was truly magical. And, linking arms with the woman beside her, she figured it was more or less the same for Helen Brittas. 'Any requests?'

'No. You?'

'Nope. Let's go.'


End file.
